My husband Gary reflects on the loneliest Christmas he ever experienced. It was 1970, and he was 22 years old, on his second tour of duty aboard the USS Hancock CVA-19, one of three aircraft carriers in the Gulf of Tonkin at that time.
"I was on beach detachment in the Philippines that Christmas," he recalls. "All my friends were on the ship, but they needed one guy from each division on shore in case a plane had to land on the airstrip and needed repair."
Although he'd spent the previous two Christmases away from home, the Christmas of 1970 was particularly depressing. "I didn't know any of the other guys on beach detachment and didn't feel like hitting the bars with them, so I left the barracks and went to the special feature movie on Christmas Day - 'Midnight Cowboy.'"
Alone and half a world away from family on Christmas Day, he sat through the gritty, bleak movie, trying to find a distraction from his own loneliness. Maybe the self-absorbed lyrics of "Everybody's Talkin'" hit too close to home. Certainly, the misguided dreams and disillusionment of John Voigt's character and the pathetic death of his chance-found friend (played by Dustin Hoffman) provided nothing uplifting or hopeful. If he'd entered the theater expecting an old fashioned Western, 'Midnight Cowboy' didn't fit the bill.
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Gary doesn't remember Christmas carols or any kind of celebration that year, just the depression and loneliness he experienced - his saddest Christmas ever.
My Christmas memories are a blend of happy and sad. There have been celebrations like the first Christmas after Mom's death or the Christmas after we moved Dad into assisted living that changed the feeling of "home for Christmas." One year we were on the road on Christmas Eve, and no restaurants were open, so we ended up feeding the kids shriveled up hot dogs off a convenience store grill. Last year, Christmas came three days after Gary's final radiation treatment for cancer. Both kids and their spouses were home, but Gary's body was too wiped out to allow him to be a part of the activity.
There have been first Christmases after the birth of a child or first celebrations in a new home, but the best memories of Christmas and the worst blend together to make the words of bitter-sweet Christmas songs especially stirring. Over the years, composers and musicians have brought the sad and the sweet together for us in memorable Christmas songs.
On Christmas Day, 1941, just 18 days after the attack on Pearl Harbor, the song "White Christmas" was first sung by Bing Crosby on the Kraft Music Hall radio program. The 54-word song with just 67 notes became a favorite among servicemen, requested frequently when Crosby entertained the troops. Crosby sang it with mixed feelings, recognizing its message of dreaming and longing for something different from what was. "Heaven knows, I didn't come that far to make them sad," he said. In spite of attempts to cut it from the show, the troops continued requesting it.
Ironically this best-selling Christmas song was written by a Jewish man, Irving Berlin-its melancholy melody and nostalgic lyrics, inspired in part by the loss of Berlin's three-week-old only son who died on Christmas Day in 1928.
Two years later, when Kim Cannon wrote the lyrics for the popular Christmas song "I'll Be Home for Christmas," he said he didn't write it particularly for servicemen deployed during WWII but for anyone who was away from family at Christmas. But when Bing Crosby recorded the song in 1943, servicemen and their families found its message especially poignant.
Cannon's song had been rejected because the last line - "I'll be home for Christmas, if only in my dreams"-was too sad, but when he sang it for Crosby, Bing recognized its powerful sentiment and recorded it on the flip side of his single "Danny Boy." Before long, "I'll Be Home for Christmas" was the most requested song in USO shows. The simple 40-word song was banned in the United Kingdom for fear that it would jeopardize the morale of British troops.
Currently, the U.S. has troops deployed in about 150 different countries around the world. Thousands will not be home for Christmas. They may be able to connect by phone or Skype or messaging, but they will miss the touch of family, the hugs and kisses. Some may find sad-sweet comfort in the plaintive voice of Josh Groban singing "I'll Be Home for Christmas," (2007) with messages from servicemen and women dubbed over the opening and closing measures.
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They may be home for Christmas ... if only in their dreams.
