About 20 years ago I had a joke-a-thon with some of my Wisconsin graduate students. For an hour we did nothing but tell jokes. Here is a sampling of what they came up with. I think they would be pleased that I saved them for an appropriate time to tell them again. The first joke for senior citizens is a recent story. If you are a classroom teacher, share a few with your students.
In case you were not aware of a new government notice that will come out in a few weeks, I thought it best to inform you now. To help save the economy, the Immigration Department will start deporting seniors in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs. They feel that older people like us are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home. Be sure and tell your relatives and friends so they’ll know what happened to you. I started to weep when I thought about you and then I remembered, I will see you on the bus.
Why was Tigger looking in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!
God bless you.
How many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll? We don’t know. It’s never been done.
How does a man divide his laundry? Dirty and dirty but wearable.
The Vikings’ coach was in Dallas and he noticed that the Dallas coach was on the phone and talking to God. The Vikings coach asked if he could talk to God also and the Dallas coach said he could but it would cost $1 million dollars. A week later the Vikings coach was in Green Bay and the Green Bay coach was on the phone and talking to God. The Vikings coach said how much does it cost here to talk to God? The Green Bay coach said, "It doesn’t cost anything?" "Why is that?" the Vikings coach asked. The Green Bay coach responded, “In Green Bay, it’s a local call.”
A radio station was having a pun contest. A lady who likes to write puns sent in her ten best puns. When she called to see if any won, the radio station host responded, “No pun in ten did.”
A snail goes into a car dealership to buy a car. The snail says, “I will take that one if you paint an ’S’ on the roof, each side and the hood.” The dealership does and the snail drives away. The dealer exclaims, “Watch that ’S’ car go.”
How do you find Ronald McDonald in a nudist colony? Look for the sesame seed buns.
Why doesn’t Iowa have a professional football team? Because Minnesota will want one too.
Why did an elephant stand under a light while eating his lunch? Because he wanted a light lunch.
Why is the barn so noisy? Because cows have horns.
What do you call a rabbit with no worries? Hoppy go lucky.
A guy calls up the fire department and says, “My house is on fire.” The fireman asks, “How do we get there?” The guys asks, “Don’t you still have those big red trucks?”
A horse walks into a bar and sits on a stool. The bartender says, “Hey, why the long face?”
How many of each animal did Moses have on the ark? “None, remember it was Noah who was on the ark.”
How do you know when you have a very slow dog? He brings you yesterday’s paper.
Man and wife are in heaven enjoying their condo overlooking a lake and golf course. All is great! The wife asks the husband, “How come you look so distressed?” The husband replies, “If it were not for that low cholesterol diet, we would have been here sooner.”
Where does a general keep his armies? In his sleevies.
What did the bartender say to the brain that walked into a bar? You must be out of your head.
A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says, “One minute I’m a teepee, the next minute I’m a wigwam, the next minute I’m a teepee and this goes on and on. What’s the matter with me?” The psychiatrist says, “You are two tents.”
Lars and Ole were fishing. “Hey, Ole, I keep drilling and drilling and can’t get through to the water.” Lars says, “I can’t get through either. Maybe we should try another spot.” A man walks on the ice and says, “Hey, you boys get off the ice, we’re bringing out the Zamboni."
Hope you feel better. Laughter continues to be the best medicine.
Riddle: When geese are flying in a “V” formation, why doesn’t the lead one honk? (Answer: Because it has no one to pass.) I hope you pass these along to someone who could use a good laugh.)
Thanks to Dr. Ted Will for his contribution to support the 100% movement. Every week I publish a different message on my Facebook page, that provides more tips for parents. Check it out at Facebook: Project Graduate, 100%. Even though we are all staying pretty much at home, let’s not forget our goal of a 100% graduation rate for our young people.
John R. Eggers of Bemidji is a former university professor and area principal. He also is a writer and public speaker.