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John Eggers: Hunters: It's time to get out the WD-40

You have heard of the many uses of that magical WD-40 around the workshop and in the home, but have you heard what you can do with it in the deer stand?

After you read my list of deer stand uses for WD-40, you will pack it right along next to your ammo and beef jerky.

So you drank too much soda while waiting for that big buck to come trotting along below your deer stand. Now you have to exit your stand to relieve yourself behind a big oak. Unfortunately, your zipper is sticking. You are dancing around and about ready to wet your blaze orange pants. Quick, grab your can of WD-40 and give the zipper a couple of squirts. Feel better?

It’s this time of year that flies have their fall convention in your enclosed stand. Forget the fly swatter — grab your can of WD-40 and spray some here and some there and a little bit everywhere. Got some flies buzzing around you? Practice your aim with your can of WD-40. If it can keep flies off cows, why not off your deer stand? It probably smells just as bad as the cows.

Maybe, just maybe, some of you guys told your wives you were going deer hunting, but you misplaced the location of your deer stand and decided you should stop at your old girlfriend’s place to ask directions. The directions she had in mind were not the directions you had in mind and you end up with some lipstick on your collar. What do you do? Your can of WD-40 can save you from sleeping in the doghouse. Give those stains a couple of doses of that magic oil and your wife will never know the difference — maybe.

Do you have some squeaks on those door hinges? Do you have some wood rubbing together? This is exactly what WD-40 was made to do. So you ask, “Wouldn’t the deer smell the lubricant?” Think of it like those deer alerts on the front of your car. How do you know if they really work? We can’t ask the deer. The same is true of WD-40. You will never know if they can smell it or if they can’t. One thing is for certain, the squeaks will disappear.

Getting tired of going down that ladder from your deer stand? Going up isn’t too bad, but coming down can be dangerous. What can you do? Borrow your kids’ slide from the back yard swing set and attach it to your stand. Now it’s fun to get down from your stand.  Deer aren’t moving? Take a few trips down the slide. Not fast enough for you? Get out your can of WD-40 and lubricate the slide. Now try it? Wow!

Everyone told you to build an enclosed stand, but you just never got around to it. Instead, you brought along an umbrella. What’s that, you can’t get it open? Got your can of WD-40? Give the stem a blast of lubricant. Isn’t that better? Now, about that enclosed stand for next year.

Do you have those pesky chickadees trying to perch on your rifle barrel as you poke it out your stand? Rub your barrel with WD-40. Where did those chickadees go? Like those pesky flies, they can’t stand the smell either.

Remember when you thought you were shooting those skunks in your yard this summer and you duct-taped a flashlight to the barrel of your 30-30? Yes, your wife questioned your wisdom, but you wanted to teach those skunks a lesson. Well, you didn’t get a skunk but you got your barrel full of that residue from the tape, and then your barrel stuck to the wool lining in your gun case. Now all that wool gets in the way of your sight. WD-40 will shear off that wool for you faster than you can say, “Where did those skunks go?”

You sat in your deer stand for almost 10 hours. You stand up and your joints feel like someone has wrapped them in duct tape. Rub some WD-40 on them. Surprised? I was too.

Deer are scarce. There isn’t any shooting. The weather is too nice. Now is the time to grab your fishing rod and minnows. Before casting the minnow out, spray it with some WD-40 to increase your odds. When people ask you how many deer you shot, you can tell them how many walleyes you caught.

Looks like it’s going to rain as you slide down your deer stand. You want to make sure leather boots shed the rain, so you give each boot a liberal dose of WD-40. Not only will they shed the rain but also they will feel soft to the touch. Kind of like touching your wife, isn’t it?

You just couldn’t resist could you? It’s a frosty morning, and you left your gun in your deer stand so you wouldn’t have to carry it in the dark. The barrel looked so enticing, you just had to stick your tongue to it. “Ouch! Ouch! I’m stuck!” Don’t fret. Take your can of WD-40 out of your pocket and spray it around the barrel near the tongue. Come off? You betcha.

(Caution. WD-40 is flammable, so be careful. And don’t do anything stupid like going in and out of your deer stand with a loaded rifle.)

Oh, yes, WD-40 is made from fish oils. You probably knew that.

JOHN R. EGGERS of Bemidji is a former university professor and area principal. He also is a writer and public speaker.