Obama is the best Republican president since Abe Lincoln
There was a 90 percent top marginal tax rate under President Dwight Eisenhower. Ronald Reagan raised taxes nearly every year he was in office and still managed to quadruple the national debt. Teddy Roosevelt was an anti-business "trust buster" who snatched Yosemite away from private profits. Gerald Ford ended a long pointless war in Vietnam, even though pontificators like Pat Buchanan claim we could have won...eventually. George W. Bush bailed out the banks and the auto industry. I won't even utter the names Herbert Hoover or Richard Nixon (Republicans sure won't).
Historians agree the best Republican president was also the first: Abraham Lincoln. Who's second runner up? Which president has represented Republican values best? Easy. President Barack Obama.
First off -- his signature legislative accomplishment was to implement a Republican/Heritage Foundation idea from 1989. Assuring Affordable Health Care for All Americans reads, "[N]either the federal government nor any state requires all households to protect themselves from the potentially catastrophic costs of a serious accident or illness. Under the Heritage plan, there would be such a requirement...A mandate on households certainly would force those with adequate means to obtain insurance protection."
The Heritage Foundation has since recanted and even filed friend-of-the-court briefs against the mandate. This is only after an alleged Democrat was for it. There's been a pattern of this partisanship before policy since Obama was sworn in.
But if you ignore the misplaced (and often misspelled) vehemence against the first African-American president as a communist/socialist/Marxist/bad "ist" du jour and instead just look at the policy -- we have a stellar Republican in the Oval Office.
Obama renewed the Bush Tax Cuts. Republicans love those tax cuts even more than they love being against something once Obama has signed it. In fact the President hasn't raised taxes at all -- just like Republicans say they won't (see: "Read my lips -- no new taxes."). The only tax he's raised is on smokers. Obama increased the tax on cigarettes even though he's an admitted (reformed) smoker. But even that is ideal in a Republican hypocrite kind of way (see: too many anti-gay Republicans in gay sex scandals to list).
And on top of the Bush Tax Cuts -- Obama cut even more taxes for 95 percent of Americans.
Plus, he's cut the size of government! Yes. Regardless of all those email forwards your kooky great-aunt sends you from her decades-old AOL account -- the public work force has been reduced under an Obama presidency -- therefore "shrinking the size of government." The reason we had no net job growth in August is because the public sector (i.e., the government) lost jobs due to cuts. The private sector gained the exact amount resulting in a push.
President Obama has managed to quell all anti-war protests and even start a new conflict. That is surely to be the envy of any Republican president who's ever served.
Guantanamo Bay? Still open. Osama bin Laden? Shot in the head.
Talk about getting 98 percent of what they wanted. If the GOP didn't have to change their goal post so Obama could never score in their view -- Republicans could be dumping Gatorade on Rush Limbaugh by now.
How about the GOP-despised EPA? You know, that "job-killing" governmental regulatory agency GOP candidates Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Ron Paul all promise will go dark when they become president? That agency's pinko plot for cleaner air estimated to stop tens of thousands of premature deaths? Gone. And guess who said this about it: "I have continued to underscore the importance of reducing regulatory burdens and regulatory uncertainty, particularly as our economy continues to recover." Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH)? Maybe Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA)? Some tea party speaker at some quarter-full rally somewhere? Who said it? The socialist Nazi radical -- current occupant of the White House - Barack Hussein Obama! He's a wonderful Republican.
The right-wing says Obama is left of Lenin -- in reality he's barely left of Goldwater.
What does this mean? It means we currently have eight GOP candidates running against what's essentially a GOP incumbent. It means we have eight mediocre Republican candidates running against the best Republican president since Lincoln. The safe bet is that a Republican will win the next election.
To be clear, I'm not a Republican -- but I have undeniably voted for one.
In the '80s there were Reagan Democrats. I'll solve this whole thing by just calling myself an Obama Democrat.
Tina Dupuy is an award-winning writer and the managing editor of Crooks and Liars. Tina can be reached at email@example.com.