John Eggers: Deer camp humor is great humor
The best things about deer camps are the stories. To help you prepare for your deer camp, I included some of the more humorous jokes I have collected this past year. If you don’t get your deer, at least you will have a funny story or two to tell.
A Lutefisk Story
An Arab Sheik was admitted to the hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to find a supply of his rare blood for a transfusion.
However, it couldn’t be found locally, so the call went out around the world. Finally, near Story City, Iowa, a Norwegian was located who had the right blood type.
The Norwegian, whose name was Ole, willingly donated his blood. After the surgery, the Arab Sheik sent Ole a new BMW, a pile of diamonds and several million dollars of South African gold coins.
Many days later, the Arab had to go through some corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned Ole who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent Ole a thank-you card and five pounds of lutefisk. Ole was shocked that this time the Arab did not reciprocate with a new car.
He phoned the Arab and said, “I thought dat you vould be yenerous again, and dat you vould give me anudder BMdubleU and diamonds and money, but you only gave me a tank-you card and some lutefisk!”
To this the Arab replied, “Ya, but now I haf Norvegian blood in my veins so I gotta tink tvice before I spend my money.”
Blonde In A Plane
A blonde is on a four-engine plane crossing the Atlantic.
All of a sudden there’s a loud bang. The pilot announces over the intercom “I’m sorry, one of our engines has just shut off. We’ll be delayed 45 minutes.” Suddenly there’s another bang.
Once again, the intercom clicks on and the pilot expresses his regret that they’ll be delayed two hours.
Shortly thereafter, there is another bang and the pilot announces that they’ll be delayed 3 hours.
The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, “Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we’ll be up here all day.”
Blonde In A Snowstorm
A blonde driving a car gets lost in a snowstorm.
She remembers her father’s advice, “If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.”
Soon a snowplow comes by, and she follows it for about 45 minutes.
Finally, the driver of the truck gets out and asks her what she is doing.
She explains the advice her father had given her.
The driver says, “Well, I’m done with the parking lot here at the mall, now you can follow me over to the bank.”
So Little Time
A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.
“I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.”
“Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man. “How long have I got?”
“Ten,” the doctor says sadly.
“Ten?” the man asks. “Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?”
The Round Ball
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and haircut, but he tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he’s finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’s had in years.
But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replies, “Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.”
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was
89. One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole reached over and patted Lena on her knee.
“Lena, vat ever happened tew our sex relations?” He asked.
“Vell, Ole, I yust don’t know,” replied Lena.” I don’t tink ve even got a card from dem last Christmas.”
The Night Call
The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in bed and Ole answers.
“Vell how da heck should I know, dats two tousand miles from here,” he says and hangs up.
“Who vas dat?” asks Lena.
“I donno, some fool wanting to know if da coast vas clear.”
Four Guys In A Cabin
Four guys were all at a deer camp. They had two cabins, two men per cabin. After the first night, no one wanted to room with Bob because he snored so badly.
They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The next night, Joe slept with Bob and came dragging to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all-bloodshot.
They said, “Man, what happened to you?” He said, “Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.” The next night it was Mike’s turn and the same thing happened.
Then it was Fred’s turn. Fred was a tanned older cowboy type guy, a man’s man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
“Good morning!” he said. They couldn’t believe it. They said, “Man, what happened? How did you survive the snoring?”
He said, “Well, we got ready for bed. I patted Bob on the butt, tucked him into bed, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night.”
Be careful out there and don’t stay up all night. Happy hunting.
JOHN R. EGGERS of Bemidji is a former university professor and area principal. He also is a writer and public speaker.